The discontinuing of my treatments with Dr. L came at the perfect time, right before Thanksgiving. Cozart and I would be traveling back to Minnesota for the holiday; the babymaking hiatus couldn't have come at a better time. I also felt, for the first time in 2 years, that I could turn my mind off, when it came to all things baby. I can't think of one other time, in 2 years where I thought I could just NOT think about it. One thing that so many people who haven't had a problem having a baby can't comprehend about people who are babymaking challenged, is that you can't just NOT think about it. You can't just relax, as we are so often told to do. You can't just not worry. You literally don't go a month, week, day or even an hour without thinking something baby related. Is it obsessive? Yes, absolutely but we are programmed from a very young age that the harder we work at something the better we will be rewarded or the better the end result will be. So how is it we are expected to change our way of thinking when we are doing everything the exact way we are supposed to do it, and doing a very good job at it mind you. :) (aside from maybe starting to try before the ripe age of 32) Everywhere you turn you are reminded of this constant battle, that is infertility (eew, ugly word). I don't know if you realize this or not, but babies are EVERYWHERE!!!! And everyone is having them but ME. I know it sounds crazy and a little selfish but these are real thoughts, from a real person, fighting a real battle to do something so many take for granted all too often. And I know I'm not the only one thinking these things, I'm just not afraid to admit it. So the next time you, mother of 2, 3 or 4 beautiful children, are talking to someone who is trying to have a baby, stop before you tell them to, 'Just relax. It'll happen'. I know you mean well and it's not bad advice but you're asking us to do the impossible. Trust me, I am protecting you from getting an atomic elbow (if you don't know what that is, ask Cozart, I am sure he would more than oblige) to the forehead by your hormone raging, wanna-be-mommy, best friend, who you didn't know had a black belt in karate. Ok, I'll step off my soap box now and we can continue...
I did pretty well with keeping my baby thoughts away over the next 2 months. In the back of my head were always thoughts of when our most fertile time was, how many days before I "should" be ovulating, how many days until Aunt Flo's next visit and the slight possibility of her not coming at all. But there were no OPKs, no HPTs, no stress about if it's the "right time" and most importantly, no doctor visits. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years came and went pretty quickly and with the new year came discussion of what we do next. We had friends who had announced they were pregnant earlier in the fall. They had struggled with trying to have another child for years so, this was very exciting news. We were able to speak to them about who they had seen, as far as doctors and their experiences. They had used the clinic I had originally told my OB/GYN about at my last visit. The same clinic he said he didn't have a problem with as far as the doctors, but he had had patients state they were less than satisfied with the staff. Our friends had wonderful things to say about the doctors and the staff. They went as far as saying they consider their doctor family. (LOVE that!) There was something about this clinic that gave me a very good feeling, even before I had heard about any first hand success stories. And I couldn't help but think, God had lead us to this clinic.
I called at the beginning of March to schedule our appointment. The girl I spoke to apologized because she couldn't get me in to see the doctor of our choice for another month. I felt like saying: "A month? Honey, We've been waiting more than 2 years, I think we can wait another month." Over the next 30 days, God was hard at work confirming to us that we were on the right path. In researching the doctors, I was happy to find out 3 of the 5 are in the top 1% in the world for their specialty. Cozart's cousin told us she had seen one of the doctors and had a wonderful experience, even though she ended up getting pregnant on her own. A friend of the family also saw one of the clinic's doctors 20 years ago and couldn't say enough about her experience. But even with all this confirmation I couldn't help but wonder what this doctor would be able to do that the other one couldn't? All the tests had been done and they didn't find anything. What could this doctor possibly find, if the other one didn't? This doctor may be a better fit personality wise but what if we still don't know what is preventing us from getting pregnant and he just jumps right to IVF? I was skeptical and running low on hope. We completed our paperwork, to be dropped off a week prior to the appointment. (we'll see if they look at it before) We had our medical records sent over from the other doctor. And we waited for April 6th to get here.
Just like the first appointment with the other doctor, I was overflowing with emotion. Still skeptical, anxious, nervous, irritated that Cozart wasn't moving out the door faster. They asked us to be there 30 minutes prior to our appointment and I failed to ask them why, so I could tell Cozart. (you see, I'm a "do as I'm told" kind of person and Cozart's a "I'll do as I'm told if you give me a good enough reason") We arrived 25 minutes prior to our appointment, to my frustration. We were fully prepared to sign a few waivers and wait and wait and wait. So we signed the waivers and were called back literally 5 minutes later. (if you're keeping track, you're right, we were seen BEFORE our scheduled appointment.) So far so good. The nurse who brought us back to an exam room was very sweet and genuinely so. I felt no pity from her, I didn't feel like I was interrupting her day of much better things she had to do. She was doing her job and she actually seemed to like it. We were sat in an exam room to wait for the doctor's office to become available. Again, we were prepared to wait and again we didn't have to. She came to get us and escorted us to Dr. D's office. He shook our hands and asked us to have a seat. After a couple minutes of small talk he opened our file to pages of notes he had taken while reviewing our questionnaire and medical records PRIOR to our appointment. (hallelujah!) As he confirmed the information and reviewed the test results with us (I will outline his findings in a future post), he pointed out things that looked good but may still be of concern. He identified test results that were missing because they had never been done. And most importantly, he listened to everything we had to say. Everything!!! Cozart asked about jumping right into IVF and his response was, "Wouldn't you like to find out what is preventing you from getting pregnant in the first place, first?". Oh my goodness! This guy is a GENIUS!
We were then lead into an exam room where he would perform an ultrasound. And again a comment was made about my beautiful uterus. Careful doc, you're inflating my ego here! After the ultrasound, I was sent into another room (not a closet) to have some blood drawn. The blood draw was complete and we sat down with Dr. D's nurse (I wish I could remember her name. I am so horrible at that) She gave us a list of to-do items and sent us on our way, but not before Cozart left a "sample" of his own. Poor guy! I don't know how any guy could do that. :(
Before we left, I scheduled another blood test, to be completed the following Friday, the 21st day of my cycle. On the way home, we discussed the night and day difference between this experience and the one we had with the other doctor. And for the first time, in a very long time, I smiled and thought to myself, "We're going to have a baby.". And it's no coincidence, Dr. D is the 3rd doctor we have seen. ;)
"I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4
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Ahhhhh...this post makes me so happy for you!
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