For the most part, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I like to discuss both, the peaks and the pits of my life and typically have no problem just coming out and saying what's on my mind. There are a few exceptions. 1. When in a disagreement with my darling husband. I tend to crawl into my shell a little. Or I just need time with my own thoughts, he often doesn't understand this part. 2. When the "pit" I'm in has me feeling like I just need some me time, I also tend to crawl in my shell. And, 3. When I don't have anything nice to say. (don't say anything at all, right?) Apparently, I'm adding a forth: lack of writing inspiration.
Every time I have picked up the computer the past few weeks I have felt pangs of guilt, for not posting, and a little avoidance when it comes to my blog. Kind of like that daunting task that you try to pretend doesn't exist, in hopes that it will just miraculously check itself off the list. Perhaps these feelings are due to the lack of action on the baby making front. Possible partial blame could be placed on Cozart's change in schedule which has caused us both lack of sleep. (I don't sleep well when he's not home) Or maybe my own work stress, which has consumed most of my thoughts over the last couple weeks. Whatever the reason, I hope this is the end of my writer's block.
Aside from the writer's block, Cozart's new position at the hospital and our disrupted sleep pattern and my work drama; I have rather enjoyed our month off from all things baby. Of course, it's never completely turned off in my mind. Everywhere I turn, someone is pregnant, having a baby or asking me about my kids (thinking I have something other than that of the four-legged, furry variety). I think this was the first month in almost 3 years that I can say I had absolutely no expectation of seeing a positive pregnancy test. It has been a welcome break and I am ready to, hopefully, try again this month.
My cycle day 10 ultrasound and blood work appointment was yesterday morning. I arrived at Dr. D's office at 8:15am with absolutely no pre-conceived thoughts. The last 2 appointments just like this one, I was either nervous and apprehensive or feeling like this just isn't our month. This time I was relaxed and, as hard as a tried, I couldn't get a feel for what my gut was trying to tell me. I am chalking this up as a good thing and hope it continues. The ultrasound showed that, although it appears I will be ovulating on my left side this month, there was only one dominant follicle and it was far from ready, measuring only 11.92mm. (they like to see between 18-20mm before they will have you administer the trigger shot) They called later in the day, which I didn't realize until this afternoon because they called my work phone, to tell me my E2 level (estrogen) was at 90. (also too low for triggering) So, I have a 2nd ultrasound and blood draw scheduled for Tuesday morning. Typically, the follicles grow between 2-3mm per 24 hours which should put me right at 18-20mm at the time of that appointment. If all looks good, I will trigger Tuesday evening, come back Thursday morning for Cozart's deposit and later in the day for insemination.
"Forget all the reasons why it won't work and BELIEVE the one reason it will." - Unknown