"For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord..." Jeremiah 29:11

Monday, April 15, 2013


It's been about a year since I started this blog, and oh what a year it has been! You've read about a lot of ups and more downs then I'd like to reflect back on right now. I committed to taking you along on our journey, every step of the way. I documented more information about myself than any of you probably ever cared to know. I have been an open book... that is up until about 3 months ago. (Collective GASP!) Yes, I have a little 'splainin' to do. *hanging my head in shame*

Let's rewind back to December. I believe I mentioned in a previous post that my cousin and his wife had gone through a similar journey trying to conceive their, now, beautiful daughter. They were kind enough to send us the left over medication for us to use for 2 of our treatments. I may or may not have mentioned that they were starting the process all over again trying to conceive their 2nd. I also may or may not have mentioned that they were successful on their first (unmedicated) try (Yay!!) but had already purchased all the medication in preparation for a 2nd go. My cousin's wife (not sure if she wants to remain nameless so I'll stick with "cousin's wife") and I had discussed the possibility of us using that medication but at that point (after failed IUI #3) we had, kind of, already, unofficially decided we were done with IUI. Fast forward a couple weeks to Christmas time. As you may recall, I was home (sans Cozart) in Minnesota with my family. My cousin's wife invited me over one afternoon for what I thought would be a little catching up/girl talk session. It was that, and so much more. Shortly after walking in her house, she handed me a gift bag. (I think you can probably guess where I'm going with this...) Inside said gift bag was the medications. Tears of gratitude welled up in my eyes and the thought of how I would ever thank them enough went through my head.

As I drove back to my parents' house I contemplated whether or not I should call Cozart or just bring all this stuff home? And how in the heck was I going to get it all home? Something tells me, syringes full of meds prescribed to someone other than myself aren't on the "OK to take on board" list. Now that I am thinking about it, I can't remember when or how I told Cozart but the important part is you can carry syringes filled with meds prescribed to someone other than yourself in your suitcase! In case any of you were wondering. And as far as telling Cozart, I did (obviously) at some point and he was all for trying one more treatment. Here we go again...

You may be thinking, why didn't you tell us you were doing another treatment? Well... the truth is, I was feeling all consumed with disappointment. I mean failed treatment after failed treatment is disappointing in itself but the disappointment all of you, who have taken the time to read and pray and send well wishes and condolences, on top of it all, was getting to be more than I could handle. So, Cozart and I decided this treatment would be between us and the staff at Dr. D's office and the good Lord too, of course! And now because I didn't document it all, here to you, I get a little cloudy on my dates, but here's what I do remember...

I called Dr. D's office on cycle day 1, scheduled my ultrasound only to find out I, once again, had cysts. Ugh! I was put on birth control for 2 weeks once again, and once again it worked like a charm. The cysts had dissolved. I began letrozole on cycle days 3-7 and gonal-f injections on cycles days 6, 8 and 10 with an ultrasound scheduled on cycle day 10. At the time of my ultrasound, in my opinion, things looked GREAT! 5 follicles and 2 others that were just little guys, not really even worth measuring. The nurse, on the other hand, started into a long speech about how I should be prepared for Dr. D to cancel this round because of the risk of multiples. WHAT!?!? I still can't believe I didn't drop to my knees and cry begging her to convince him otherwise, then again all I had on was a shirt and a paper thin sheet around my waist so it's probably best that I didn't! I did, however, explain to her that we had the multiple conversation with Dr. D several times, we are aware of the risk and it's one we're willing to take. She agreed and was so sweet. She said she would do whatever she could to convince him. Later that afternoon, she called back to say, not only does he want to move forward, he wants me to give myself another gonal-f injection. I returned a couple days later for a 2nd ultrasound. And for a 2nd time, I got a call saying give myself another gonal-f injection, the trigger shot should be given the following day (Monday) and they scheduled us for IUI on Wednesday.

The day of IUI was also a day Cozart was coming off shift and had to be in a training immediately following. Ugh! He called Dr. D's office and arranged to bring his "sample" in immediately after work and told work he would be a little late for training. And all the while I sat and held my breath waiting for the call from him saying something didn't work. Thankfully, that call never came. I was scheduled for insemination around lunch time, which I went to all alone. :( What a crazy story to tell your potential future child, should this work: "Daddy was not present when you were conceived". It's like some crazy riddle. The process was, once again, quick and painless but this time, before Dr. D left the room he said, "I'll be praying for you". He then went on to say he believes in life we're all given our "Job moments" but he believed ours was coming to an end. (for those of you who don't know the story of Job, you can read it here. In a nutshell, he was a man who lost everything but kept his faith in God.) And with a wink and a smile, Dr. D left the room and I fell asleep for 20 minutes. Yes, I fell asleep! The most relaxed I've ever felt after one of these treatments. I left his office feeling rested and hopeful but completely at peace with whatever the outcome. That was until...

The reality of the DREADED 2 week wait set in. I don't think I need to say much about this excruciatingly painful 14 days except, it sucks. Just like every other 2 week wait, one day I felt confident, the next I'm bawling my eyes out because I just KNOW it didn't work. 9 days into the 14, I was getting ready for work and had to sit on the bed because of horrible cramps. (Well hello there Flo! Ugh!) 11 days into the longest 2 weeks of my life, I was on my normal Sunday errand run, Target, grocery store, pedicure, etc. I stood in the vitamin aisle of Target and made the decision to put a regular multi-vitamin in my cart instead of the prenatal I had been buying for 3.5 years. I made my way past the pregnancy test aisle, there wasn't a single test in my house and I wasn't buying one until I felt like I needed to. And just like 98% of all women who shop at Target, I continued to peruse, talking myself in and out of the many many things you always end up leaving Target with that you never really need. And somehow, by the time I made it to the check out, not only did I find prenatal vitamins in my cart but also a box of pregnancy tests. I swear to you, something happens in Target. It's like they pump mind altering vapors through their AC system or something.

That evening, I went to bed, cried myself to sleep actually, because by this time (cycle day 10-11ish) I always "knew" that the treatment didn't work. I prayed to God to have some mercy on us and to please take away my doubts but as I drifted off to sleep I felt all consumed by that horrible feeling of just that... doubt. I awoke to what seemed to be menstrual cramps and I did as I always do when my sleep is interrupted by this annoying, uncomfortable feeling, I rolled over on my stomach and practiced breathing. Something just didn't seem right this time though. A little glimmer of hope came over me and probably because I was half asleep, I decided to go do as I did a million times before, only to end in disappointment, I pee'd on the stick. Still half asleep and not even sure my aim was all that good, I walked out of the bathroom to wait the 3 minutes. In that 3 minutes, I thought, at least the disappointment will be out of the way and we can move forward with researching adoption and my new found intrigue, embryo adoption. We can put the IUI journey behind us and say we gave it 110%. Well we would be putting the IUI behind us all right because.....

for the first time in 3.5 years....

I saw 2 PINK LINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was 9 weeks ago today. (February 11th) What a Valentine's Day present, huh? We had our 12 week appointment today and our nugget is doing great! (I will write more about what I have experienced thus far in the pregnancy, how I told Cozart, our last appointment with Dr. D and our first 2 with Dr. S, including today's in my next post)

Baby Lawrence 12w5d
So that's it, that's where I've been and let me tell you, it has been SO hard not telling y'all! You have been with us through so much, praying for us, thinking of us, shedding tears over our heart ache and hopefully cheering for joy with this post. We could never put into words how grateful we are for each and every one of you! And I promise to write about everything (within reason) from here on out!! I hope you'll forgive me!

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord." - 1 Samuel 1:27-28


  1. OH MY GOSH!!!! I knew it! I soon as I started reading, I just knew it! This is AWESOME!!!! Congratulations Genny! This is such wonderful news!

  2. YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!! OMG! Whoo-Hoo!!!! *Goosebumps* Yay!

  3. I am seriously CRYING!! I'm so happy for you!!!! I can't wait to read about your pregnancy updates!! YAY!!!!

  4. WHOOO HOOOOOO!!! Sooo excited for you all! xoxo

  5. Ever since I met you at Emily's I have been reading your blog.I am so thrilled for you both, congratulations!