Weeks 33 & 34...

33 Weeks, 4 Days... Go Bucs!!

Weeks 33 & 34 Update:

Size: At 33 weeks she is said to be a little over 4lbs and 17inches long (the size of a pineapple). At 34 weeks she is said to be 4 and 3/4lbs and 18 inches long (the size of a cantaloupe).

Movement: Lots of hiccuping and pretty consistant acrobatics. Although she does have her lazy days too. 

Sleep: I am only having a difficult time getting to sleep when I start thinking about everything we have to get done in the next month. I stay asleep for about 4 hours before I have to get up to pee. I have been able to fall right back to sleep before having to get up again, to pee of course. 

Symptoms: Just in the past week I have started to feel really HUGE! Breathing is a challenge and I seem to bump my belly into everything (the sink, counters, I've shut the car door on it). Hopefully there is enough padding and fluid to keep from doing any damage but it wouldn't surprise me if she is born with a bump or bruise or 2. 

Cravings: I would say sweets but I have always had a pretty intense sweet tooth so I wouldn't necessarily chalk that up to pregnancy. 

Weeks 33 & 34 Happenings: The Bucs season opener... unfortunately we didn't win. (for those of you who don't know my husband well, he is a DIE HARD Tampa Bay Buccaneers Fan. When the Bucs lose, our entire household, pets included, mourn.) I won't mention the fact that we have mourned 3 weeks in a row now. (Yikes!) Hopefully Brynlee's arrival will come on the heels of a few wins or her first impression of her Daddy could be pretty depressing! Onto more positive happenings like.... 

My (Florida) shower! It was nothing short of fabulous! Brynlee, Cozart and I are very lucky to have such amazing friends and family! We had good food, a gorgeous AND delicious cake, wonderful company and our little girl is sure to be the best dressed kid in town with all the adorable outfits she got! 

Here are just a few pictures from my special day... 

What weeks 35 & 36 had/have in store: Cozart and I attended our (8 hour) Child Birth class. More nursery progress (hopefully). We begin our weekly OB appointments and have our prenatal visit with our pediatrician. And the final countdown begins... Starting with today which marks one month until my last day of work before maternity leave... it can't come soon enough!!!!! 

Cole update and other Prayer Requests: Just after posting my last update on my nephew, Cole, we were informed that the poor little guy would NOT be given the ok to go home until after he has recovered from the surgery they will perform to reconnect his intestines. This could keep him in the hospital for another 2-3 months! It was a pretty rough day for my brother and sister-in-law but since then, they have  been given some good news about potentially reconnecting his intestines sooner rather than later. You can follow his progress, on his Caring Bridge Journal here. He is a tough little guy and has done so well but we are still looking for all the prayers we can get for continued progress and a healthy life for this sweet boy!

My other prayer request is for my Grandmother, Gen. Recently we were given news that she may be leaving us due to a series of little heart attacks (which she will tell you, the doctors were imagining) and a leaky valve in her heart. Selfishly, I want to request prayers for her to get better and stay with us forever, or at least until Brynlee is born and my sister gets married in June, but I know that that's not fair to her. She is 95 years young, has raised 8 children, 9 including Joanie who passed as a baby (Brynlee will be her 90th Grandchild), she has battled and BEAT breast cancer multiple times, she has an amazing sense of humor and an incredible faith in God. She is my favorite person in the entire world and I just can't imagine her not being here. I can't pray for her to stay with us forever so I pray for her peace, comfort and that she knows just how much she is loved, adored and the incredible impact she has made on so many lives, especially my own. I am officially in the NO FLYING part of my pregnancy so if I could just ask for one selfish thing, I pray that she hangs on just until I can come home to say goodbye. Thanks....

Maternity Shoot...

I grew up, raised by a Mother who felt it necessary to have my picture professionally taken about once every 3-6 months. I think it is safe to say, I will be doing the same with our daughter. In fact, why not start before she's even here!?

One of the many many blessings in our lives is having OUTRAGEOUSLY TALENTED friends!! We had our Christmas card pictures done (as seen in the pic to the right, with the puppies) by my friend Jessica Swatts, (you can view her website and blog here).  And we had our maternity photos done, last week, by our friend Angela Lucia (you can see her website here.) 

Our initial plan was to have our maternity pictures done at the beach but after some himming and hawing (on my part) we decided to have them done at Cozart's grandmother's, again. (the same location as the Christmas card pics) I am so glad we did! We had so much fun and the weather was actually a bit cooler than normal, Thank goodness! 

I hope you enjoy the pictures and if you are in the Orlando area and looking for a photographer for family pictures, newborn pics, wedding, holiday cards, senior pics, etc, make one of these girls your first call, they are simply THE BEST!!!! 

Week 30... Where has the last 6 months gone???

30 Week, 4 Days

30 Week Update:

How Far: 30 weeks, 4 Days (at time of photo)

Gender & Name: We were able to confirm, at our 3D/4D ultrasound on Tuesday, that she is still in fact a girl! Thank goodness because there is so much pink being added to this house; from clothes to toys to hair bows and even a wall in her room is pink. I ordered wooden letters (Brynlee in pink) for her wall from Etsy and can not wait until they get here! There hasn't been much more discussion about her middle name but I'm sure that conversation will resurface any day now.

Movement: She's still very active but I can definitely tell she is getting quite snug in there. There isn't quite as much room for her to wind up before she punches me in the bladder. 

Sleep: Between the sciatic pain and restless leg syndrome, sleep has become challenging. Dr. S says it's ok for me to take Benedryl which not only helps with falling asleep but I also don't wake up quite as stuffed up. I am trying not to rely on it every night but it's definitely helped when I'm desperate for some rest. I am still probably getting more sleep now,  than I will in a few months. 

Symptoms: Sciatica, Heartburn, Restless Leg Syndrome, general discomfort. 

Cravings: My sweet tooth is pretty out of control. Still loving fruit and root beer. 

Week 30 Happenings: We successfully held a garage sale and earned enough money to pay for her carpet and installation. (not to mention we got rid of a bunch of junk which is what I'm happiest about!) We ordered carpet; it will be laid next week. Cozart finished painting the trim. Mom has started on her bedding. As I mentioned, we also had our 3D/4D ultrasounds. And here she is.... "some" of you may not think she's very cute from these images but I think she's adorable. (I may be a little biased though)

The blurry patch over her left eye is actually her foot. (already working on her Eka Pada Sirsasana or Yogaidrasana)

The ultrasound tech also took measurements which indicated her weight to be approximately 3lbs 6oz and measuring 30 weeks (which was just one day ahead at the time). She wasn't very cooperative, having her feet or hands in front of her face for most of the time, but I am very happy we were able to get a few shots of her face. 

My sweet baby nephew was born last Tuesday. He was a month early and was delivered by c-section due to his recent ultrasound indicating fluid in his belly. What a little trooper he is. He spent his 2nd day in this big scary world in surgery where they found his intestines had twisted and a portion died due to lack of blood. They removed the dead tissue and created 2 stomas with bags attached for now. They removed 650ml of fluid from his belly. He's definitely our little miracle baby. Tyler and Amanda (my brother and sister-in-law) were able to hold him for the first time yesterday. It makes me tear up just thinking about it and how strong they have been for him. Little Cole Patrick Fraser is a fighter and improving more and more everyday. I can't wait to see what kind of mischief Brynlee and her cousin get into when they grow up! If you have a minute and could say a quick little prayer for Cole and Tyler and Amanda, it would be so appreciated.  

Cole Patrick Fraser born August 13th, 2013 @ 2:49pm, weighing 7lbs 4oz.
I love this little guy so much already! 

Week 31 preparations/plans: We have another appointment on Monday, it's always exciting when we get to hear her little heartbeat. I will be happy once the carpet is in (next Monday or Tuesday) and we can order her crib, FINALLY! And Cozart's Mema is getting baptized on Sunday. Not nearly as busy of a week as this last one was, so I hope to fit a prenatal massage in at sometime as well!

65 days to go.......

27-29 Week Update... Sorry for the delay! :(

29 Weeks, 3 Days

It goes without saying, I have been a bad blogger! I have no idea where 3 weeks went and why I wasn't able to get one picture (or at least give you an update). So sorry! Here is your 27, 28 and most of 29 week update....

27, 28 & 29 Week(s) Update: 

How Far: 29 weeks, 3 days at time of photo. 

Gender & Name: We have our 3D/4D Ultrasound on Tuesday so hopefully they are able to confirm she is still a girl, at that time. :) I think it's safe to say Brynlee is set in stone but as for her middle name... (as I mentioned in a previous post, Cozart likes to change his mind.... a lot) I still would like it to be Dahl but Cozart feels it should be something biblical or something that means "Gift from God" or something of the sort. She just may end up with 2 middle names. Not a huge deal, accept it would totally mess with all the monogramming I'd like to do! ;) 

Movement: She is still very active and still often while I am trying to fall asleep. And she likes to jab me in the bladder. I am constantly feeling a rhythmic pattern of movement which I am convinced is hiccups. Although, Cozart seems to think I'm crazy. 

Sleep: I have been experiencing some serious sciatic pain over the past 2 weeks which has really made sleeping (or lack there of) a ton of fun. [insert sarcasm font] I also seem to wake up as I normally would, earlier on, only now, I can't get back to sleep for a prolonged period of time. I guess I should just chalk this up as preparation for what's to come, huh?

Maternity Clothes: Obviously! I'm not a fan of what is available and justifying the cost of something I will only (hopefully) wear for a another few weeks has become increasingly difficult. I think it would help if I didn't live in AFRICA... or at least a comparable climate. It's HOT.... REALLY REALLY HOT!!!! 

Symptoms: SCIATICA!!! Ouch! Round ligament pain... also OUCH! Sleepiness and irritability although I think both are more a result of the ridiculous heat. (Never thought this Minnesota girl would say this but... "Is it winter yet?") Even with the aches, pains and heat, I am still all consumed with joy and overwhelmed by this little blessing growing inside of me. 

Aversions: Nothing

Cravings: Ice cold water because.... Did I mention it's HOT? 

What we've been up to in weeks 27, 28 & 29: Fabric was ordered and has been delivered to my Mom's house for her to work her magic! Her room has been completely cleared out, painted and the new trim installed. We also have gone through all of our crap valuable possessions and held a garage sale to get rid of what we didn't want. What didn't sell will be donated and/or put on craigslist or ebay. We registered for our child birth and newborn class as well as the breast feeding class. 

What I am looking forward to in the coming week: Our ultrasound on Tuesday (fingers crossed she cooperates and we get some good pictures). Picking carpet and having it installed so we can start buying her furniture. I'm not really "excited" about the breast feeding class, which is also Tuesday, but it will be good to check it off the list. Showering Baby Dylan and Leanne on Sunday. And getting to see one of my BFF's, Ashley. 

So much going on and I don't anticipate it slowing down anytime soon. It's so hard to believe she will be here in less than 3 months!!!! YIKES!!!!! 73 days to go......................

(Crazy Busy) Week 26...

26 Weeks, 4 Days - this picture cracks me up! Ha!

What a crazy busy week! I am still trying to recoup from the go go go, but it was worth every minute. My adventure began on Wednesday evening with a flight from Orlando to Detroit and then on to Grand Rapids. I didn't get into GRR until almost midnight but was so excited to be greeted by my 2 favorite boys, my nephews, Jack and Owen. I seriously can't get enough of these 2. And I can still say that (honestly), even after our 11 hour drive from Michigan to Minnesota the following day. This trip is old hat for the boys, my sister and their 2 dogs but not one I would want to make while 6 months pregnant ever again. My back was sore, feet were swollen, I had a headache and felt achy all over. I even shed a few tears once we pulled into my parents' driveway. 

Owen

Jack

Cocoa and (part of) Boo

Friday, a group of us, including the bride to be (Katey), her friends, Maeve, Brianne and Brittney, our sister-in-law, Amanda, a friend of the family, Bri and my Mom all made our way to the Wedding Shoppe in St. Paul to go dress shopping for Katey. We had a ton of fun and she said Yes to the Dress after just trying on a few dresses. She was stunning in everything she tried on but we were all oohing and ahhing when she slipped into "the one". It's perfect and gorgeous and everything you would hope your wedding dress to be. We had lunch after and decided to cancel her second appointment for the day. With 4 of the 8 of us being pregnant, we spent the time we would have spent at the 2nd dress shop, at Babies-R-Us instead. A day full of wedding stuff and babies... doesn't get much better than that! 

After we returned from dress and baby shopping I met my Grandmother (Shirley) at the local Relay for Life to walk in honor of my Grandfather. He passed away from lung cancer a year ago on July 17th; I was so grateful to be a part of this evening in his memory. 

Saturday was my baby shower, hosted by my Mom, sister and friend Angie. It was so much fun to celebrate little Miss Brynlee and a pretty emotional day too. I feel so blessed to have the amazing friends and family that I do. All of which took time out of their busy summer schedules to join us for a morning of onesie decorating, lots of laughs, a few tears and some of Mom's home-cooking. (oh and some yummy cake that was almost too cute to cut into!) 

                                     

Diaper Cake made by Katey

Sunday, after church, we went to see my Grandmother (Gen) in the facility where she is currently living. She was so happy to have visitors and she finally got to "get her hands on that bump she's been praying for for so long". She made a quilt for Brynlee and although she would tell me it was made to be used (like all the others she's made); I think it just may have to be tucked away until she can understand just how special it is and how special the person who made it is to me. (she's kinda my favorite person in the whole universe!) It was another emotional day but yet another I am so very grateful for. 

Bright and early (4:30am), Monday morning, Katey and I headed to the airport. It is such a crazy feeling knowing, the next time I set foot in Minnesota, I'll be a Mom and have a little one in tow. (here I go crying again...) 

26 Week Update: 

How Far: 26 weeks, 4 days at the time of the picture with my nephews at the very top. Jack is supposed to be holding up a 2 and Owen is holding up a 6 (ironically, Jack is 2 and Owen is 6). There was actually a picture of us all posed the way we had intended but this one makes me laugh so I had to post it.

Gender & Name: I hope it's still a girl (as you can see she has a pretty good start on her wardrobe - courtesy [mostly] of Aunt Katey and Grandma Mary. I'd really hate to have to take all this back). Provided she is still a girl, her name is still Brynlee. 

Movement: She's still a little wiggle worm. One of these days, I hope she cooperates so I am able to get a quick video of it. I really don't know how woman can go without knowing their pregnant. I would be seriously concerned if my stomach moved the way it does due to indigestion! 

Sleep: Yes please! This week kicked my booty but the positive is I am having no trouble sleeping at all. 

Maternity Clothes: Oh yes! There is no more hiding this bump. I just hope my ever expanding belly, butt and thighs decide to disappear as quickly as they've made their appearance. :( 

Symptoms: Heartburn. Slowing fading energy. 

Aversions: After this weekend, I will NEVER eat Taco John's again! BLEH!!!!!!

Cravings: Fruit, Rootbeer, Sweets

Week 27 Projects: Ordering fabric for her bedding. More work on the nursery. Preparations for a garage sale that MUST happen SOON!!! 

Gen and Gen ;)

19 Weeks... IT'S A.....?

19 Weeks, 1 Day. Right before our Gender Reveal!!

This past week was so packed with exciting, fun things, I completely forgot to post my 18 week update. Oops! And we didn't even take a bump picture so the 19 week pic will have to do.

Cozart and I spent a very relaxing day at the beach on Monday (Memorial Day). It was just what we needed to kick off our most exciting week of pregnancy yet! Tuesday was back to work (Ugh!) for both of us and Wednesday was our BIG anatomy ultrasound appointment. Our appointment wasn't until the very end of the day so the day felt like 4! I was so nervous going into the appointment, not because of what they may or may not see or for fear the baby wouldn't cooperate but worried that Cozart would actually be disappointed if it is in fact a girl. Everything looked good according to what the ultrasound tech could see (Dr. S will look at the pics and discuss with us, if he has any concerns, at our next appointment) and the baby did cooperate. Not with out a little poking, prodding and me having to take a stroll down the hall. 

Sweet baby at exactly 19 weeks. Look at that button nose! Precious!

Unfortunately, my concern over Cozart's disappointment was valid. When the ultrasound tech was finally able to get a good look at the "goods", she confirmed that what she saw was in fact a hamburger, not a turtle. (Girls look like hamburgers, boys look like turtles for any of you wondering if she was looking for a baby or what I had for lunch) Cozart turned as white as a ghost and made her double, triple and quadruple check! She said she never tells anyone 100% but this was pretty close! YAY!!! A GIRL!!!!! Or at least that's what I was feeling (although I would have felt the same if it were a boy) Sorry Babe, no Cozart Jr. this time! I do predict a few more firearms purchases in his future though!

Gender Reveal Invite

Thursday we had a get together at our house to reveal the gender of Baby Lawrence. Every other person I talk to asks why we knew what the baby is before the gender reveal. Because we wanted to. Oh, and I failed to read the Gender Reveal party rule book. Who knew there were so many rules when it comes to this stuff? I think it was also good for Cozart to have a solid 24 hours to let it all sink in before facing our friends and family. Our theme for the party was cheerleader or quarterback and "the plan" was to unwrap either a baby Buccaneers jersey or cheerleading uniform but I couldn't find either ANYWHERE! So I went to Build-A-Bear and built a cheerleader bear. That place is so cute, even if I did feel a little silly building myself a bear. 

Cozart and my baby pictures and the latest picture of our baby girl! Who will she look like?

Her first Teddy Bear! 

Now that it has been a few days, I am happy to report Cozart's disappointment has morphed into excitement and we just couldn't be more happy about all we have to look forward to. We are completely overwhelmed by this blessing and are counting down the days until we get to meet her! 

19 Week Update: 

How Far?: 19 Weeks, 1 Day (at time of photo)

Baby Size: According to Babycenter.com she is about 6 inches long and 8.5oz (The size of an heirloom tomato) BUT... the ultrasound tech shows her weighing about 11oz. (she didn't give us length)

Gender: IT'S A GIRL!!!!! 

Movement: I am finally able to decipher gas or air bubbles vs. actual movement and she has been increasingly more active since my last post. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!

Sleep: The frequency in midnight bathroom breaks has drastically reduced (thank goodness) and the pregnancy pillow had to be put to the side for a fews days due to a pulled muscle in my neck but, I'm still sleeping pretty well. Cherishing it, as I know it won't last!

Maternity Clothes: I still haven't bought anything more than a few maxi dresses which I can't wear to work. I am going to have to just suck it up and go shopping SOON! 

Symptoms: The headaches have dissipated but I seem to have traded them in for heartburn. It's not too bad but I have been getting it at least once a day. Let's hope the old wives' tale is true: heartburn = LOTS OF HAIR!

Aversions: none

Cravings: FRUIT! And really anything sweet. 

What I will miss about being pregnant: Not caring about an ever expanding mid section. 

Feelings toward pregnancy: I am so blessed. I have really been lucky, I don't feel all that different and am completely overwhelmed with this little HUGE blessing! 

Best moment(s) of this week: Well there's the obvious, finding out we're having a GIRL! But my very close second happened Wednesday night/Thursday morning. I woke up in the middle of the night to our sweet little girl moving around like crazy. Well, she settled into a rather awkward position. It was almost as if she was pushing her head, or her butt, not really sure which is which yet, into my stomach, just below my belly button. I felt my belly and there was a definite point sticking out. I wasn't sure whether or not to wake Cozart up but I really wanted him to feel her. Just as I was thinking I would just go back to sleep, he rolled over and sighed like he may be awake. I said, "Are you awake?' and he said yes. I placed his hand on my belly and he was able to feel her for the first time. She continued to squirm around for a little bit before we (all 3 of us) fell back to sleep. Such an amazing moment. 

What am I looking forward to this week: One of my best friends is also pregnant (due 2 weeks before me) and her gender reveal is on Saturday. I can't wait to find out if our little girl will have a BFF or a future husband! HA! 

Could my smile be any bigger??? 

Until next week.... (Our half way point!)

Sweet 16

Not the best picture as far as showing the bump but, I can assure you there wasn't a big change from the previous weeks.  

How Far?: 16 weeks 4 days (at time of photo)

Baby Size: 4.5 inches long (head to rump) and 3.5 ounces (the size of an avocado)

Gender: Still don't know. We will schedule our anatomy sonogram at our next appointment, Friday.

Movement: I'm still not sure if what I am feeling is the baby, gas or digestion so I'm going to say, no.

Sleep: I have begun an evening routine of falling asleep and waking up twice to use the bathroom. After the 2nd time, I haven't been able to fall back to sleep. That was until my darling husband bought me the most amazing pregnancy pillow (for Mother's Day). Now, I feel like I could sleep for days! Gotta love him!!!

Maternity Clothes: Still haven't bought any but I will say, the looser the (regular) clothes, the better right now.

Symptoms: Still headaches every few days, although I didn't have one the entire weekend while we were at the beach. As soon as I got home (and started to think about work) the headache returned. Coincidence? I think not. I also have been feeling quite tired again the last few days. Could be from having a busy weekend or just the fact that I am growing a human inside of me. :)

Aversions: Nothing really.

Cravings: Still sweets (root beer in particular) and cold, fresh fruit! YUM!!!!

What I will miss about being pregnant: (nearly) Perfectly clear skin.

Feelings toward pregnancy: I am so very lucky to have it as easy as I have to this point. Soaking up every minute of this time!!

Best moments of this week: As I mentioned in last week's post, one of my best friends was coming to town with her husband and baby girl. We had a great weekend at the beach. It was so much fun watching her 16 month old and thinking we will be able to have family weekends at the beach very soon. I just hope and pray our little peanut is half as good as Miss Abigail!! Such an angel!

What I am looking forward to this week: Our next OB appointment and scheduling our anatomy scan (hopefully for sooner rather than later). We won't have an ultrasound at this one but it will be great to hear Baby L's little heart beat again.

So....

It's been about a year since I started this blog, and oh what a year it has been! You've read about a lot of ups and more downs then I'd like to reflect back on right now. I committed to taking you along on our journey, every step of the way. I documented more information about myself than any of you probably ever cared to know. I have been an open book... that is up until about 3 months ago. (Collective GASP!) Yes, I have a little 'splainin' to do. *hanging my head in shame*

Let's rewind back to December. I believe I mentioned in a previous post that my cousin and his wife had gone through a similar journey trying to conceive their, now, beautiful daughter. They were kind enough to send us the left over medication for us to use for 2 of our treatments. I may or may not have mentioned that they were starting the process all over again trying to conceive their 2nd. I also may or may not have mentioned that they were successful on their first (unmedicated) try (Yay!!) but had already purchased all the medication in preparation for a 2nd go. My cousin's wife (not sure if she wants to remain nameless so I'll stick with "cousin's wife") and I had discussed the possibility of us using that medication but at that point (after failed IUI #3) we had, kind of, already, unofficially decided we were done with IUI. Fast forward a couple weeks to Christmas time. As you may recall, I was home (sans Cozart) in Minnesota with my family. My cousin's wife invited me over one afternoon for what I thought would be a little catching up/girl talk session. It was that, and so much more. Shortly after walking in her house, she handed me a gift bag. (I think you can probably guess where I'm going with this...) Inside said gift bag was the medications. Tears of gratitude welled up in my eyes and the thought of how I would ever thank them enough went through my head.

As I drove back to my parents' house I contemplated whether or not I should call Cozart or just bring all this stuff home? And how in the heck was I going to get it all home? Something tells me, syringes full of meds prescribed to someone other than myself aren't on the "OK to take on board" list. Now that I am thinking about it, I can't remember when or how I told Cozart but the important part is you can carry syringes filled with meds prescribed to someone other than yourself in your suitcase! In case any of you were wondering. And as far as telling Cozart, I did (obviously) at some point and he was all for trying one more treatment. Here we go again...

You may be thinking, why didn't you tell us you were doing another treatment? Well... the truth is, I was feeling all consumed with disappointment. I mean failed treatment after failed treatment is disappointing in itself but the disappointment all of you, who have taken the time to read and pray and send well wishes and condolences, on top of it all, was getting to be more than I could handle. So, Cozart and I decided this treatment would be between us and the staff at Dr. D's office and the good Lord too, of course! And now because I didn't document it all, here to you, I get a little cloudy on my dates, but here's what I do remember...

I called Dr. D's office on cycle day 1, scheduled my ultrasound only to find out I, once again, had cysts. Ugh! I was put on birth control for 2 weeks once again, and once again it worked like a charm. The cysts had dissolved. I began letrozole on cycle days 3-7 and gonal-f injections on cycles days 6, 8 and 10 with an ultrasound scheduled on cycle day 10. At the time of my ultrasound, in my opinion, things looked GREAT! 5 follicles and 2 others that were just little guys, not really even worth measuring. The nurse, on the other hand, started into a long speech about how I should be prepared for Dr. D to cancel this round because of the risk of multiples. WHAT!?!? I still can't believe I didn't drop to my knees and cry begging her to convince him otherwise, then again all I had on was a shirt and a paper thin sheet around my waist so it's probably best that I didn't! I did, however, explain to her that we had the multiple conversation with Dr. D several times, we are aware of the risk and it's one we're willing to take. She agreed and was so sweet. She said she would do whatever she could to convince him. Later that afternoon, she called back to say, not only does he want to move forward, he wants me to give myself another gonal-f injection. I returned a couple days later for a 2nd ultrasound. And for a 2nd time, I got a call saying give myself another gonal-f injection, the trigger shot should be given the following day (Monday) and they scheduled us for IUI on Wednesday.

The day of IUI was also a day Cozart was coming off shift and had to be in a training immediately following. Ugh! He called Dr. D's office and arranged to bring his "sample" in immediately after work and told work he would be a little late for training. And all the while I sat and held my breath waiting for the call from him saying something didn't work. Thankfully, that call never came. I was scheduled for insemination around lunch time, which I went to all alone. :( What a crazy story to tell your potential future child, should this work: "Daddy was not present when you were conceived". It's like some crazy riddle. The process was, once again, quick and painless but this time, before Dr. D left the room he said, "I'll be praying for you". He then went on to say he believes in life we're all given our "Job moments" but he believed ours was coming to an end. (for those of you who don't know the story of Job, you can read it here. In a nutshell, he was a man who lost everything but kept his faith in God.) And with a wink and a smile, Dr. D left the room and I fell asleep for 20 minutes. Yes, I fell asleep! The most relaxed I've ever felt after one of these treatments. I left his office feeling rested and hopeful but completely at peace with whatever the outcome. That was until...

The reality of the DREADED 2 week wait set in. I don't think I need to say much about this excruciatingly painful 14 days except, it sucks. Just like every other 2 week wait, one day I felt confident, the next I'm bawling my eyes out because I just KNOW it didn't work. 9 days into the 14, I was getting ready for work and had to sit on the bed because of horrible cramps. (Well hello there Flo! Ugh!) 11 days into the longest 2 weeks of my life, I was on my normal Sunday errand run, Target, grocery store, pedicure, etc. I stood in the vitamin aisle of Target and made the decision to put a regular multi-vitamin in my cart instead of the prenatal I had been buying for 3.5 years. I made my way past the pregnancy test aisle, there wasn't a single test in my house and I wasn't buying one until I felt like I needed to. And just like 98% of all women who shop at Target, I continued to peruse, talking myself in and out of the many many things you always end up leaving Target with that you never really need. And somehow, by the time I made it to the check out, not only did I find prenatal vitamins in my cart but also a box of pregnancy tests. I swear to you, something happens in Target. It's like they pump mind altering vapors through their AC system or something.

That evening, I went to bed, cried myself to sleep actually, because by this time (cycle day 10-11ish) I always "knew" that the treatment didn't work. I prayed to God to have some mercy on us and to please take away my doubts but as I drifted off to sleep I felt all consumed by that horrible feeling of just that... doubt. I awoke to what seemed to be menstrual cramps and I did as I always do when my sleep is interrupted by this annoying, uncomfortable feeling, I rolled over on my stomach and practiced breathing. Something just didn't seem right this time though. A little glimmer of hope came over me and probably because I was half asleep, I decided to go do as I did a million times before, only to end in disappointment, I pee'd on the stick. Still half asleep and not even sure my aim was all that good, I walked out of the bathroom to wait the 3 minutes. In that 3 minutes, I thought, at least the disappointment will be out of the way and we can move forward with researching adoption and my new found intrigue, embryo adoption. We can put the IUI journey behind us and say we gave it 110%. Well we would be putting the IUI behind us all right because.....





for the first time in 3.5 years....






I saw 2 PINK LINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was 9 weeks ago today. (February 11th) What a Valentine's Day present, huh? We had our 12 week appointment today and our nugget is doing great! (I will write more about what I have experienced thus far in the pregnancy, how I told Cozart, our last appointment with Dr. D and our first 2 with Dr. S, including today's in my next post)

Baby Lawrence 12w5d

                                   
So that's it, that's where I've been and let me tell you, it has been SO hard not telling y'all! You have been with us through so much, praying for us, thinking of us, shedding tears over our heart ache and hopefully cheering for joy with this post. We could never put into words how grateful we are for each and every one of you! And I promise to write about everything (within reason) from here on out!! I hope you'll forgive me!

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord." - 1 Samuel 1:27-28

So much to be Thankful for...

I really can not believe that Thanksgiving has come and gone and Christmas is just a very short 29 days away! Yikes!!!

We spent Thanksgiving here in Florida with Cozart's family. I started my day with a gratitude filled yoga practice with some of my favorite yogis. After my yummy practice I left for the airport to pick up my Mom. This was the first weekend my Mom and I have spent just the 2 of us (sans my siblings and step-dad) since we went to NYC to pick out fabric for my wedding dress more than 6 years ago. We celebrated with copious amounts of delicious food, friends and family. Aside from Cozart almost choking to death at the beginning of dinner, the day couldn't have been better. No need to worry, Cozart is feeling just fine. He had, what felt like, a muscle spasm in his throat and wasn't able to swallow. A family Holiday wouldn't be the same without a little drama, right?

Although, I had every intention of avoiding Black Friday craziness at all costs, my darling husband and lovely mother had other plans. Cozart found a TV that he absolutely had to have. After several days of him lobbying for said TV, I exercised my right to veto this large, unnecessary purchase. We have a TV, it may not be as large and may not have all the features, but it works just fine. Better than fine. In fact the TV on sale would be too big, in my opinion. NO TV, end of story... or so I thought... I'm really not sure how it happened but sometime late afternoon it was determined Mom would contribute to the purchase price of the TV as Cozart's Christmas present. At 10pm, I would begrudgingly accompany the 2 of them to the place I least like to shop... WAL-MART... UGH!!

After battling through the ridiculous number of people, most of which were your stereotypical "people of Wal-Mart", and to my satisfaction, there were only 16 TVs available and we would be close to the 50th, 51st and 52nd in line. Unnecessary large purchase diverted until.... Mom pipes up with: "Isn't there another Wal-Mart close by?" I love my Mother but she was clearly not picking up on my disapproval of this entire escapade, especially her large contribution to us even being out at that hour amongst the crazies. So we set off for yet another crazy people infested Wal-Mart. The 2nd store was the same story: more people than TVs. With Cozart's head hanging low in disappointment and me trying to hide my Cheshire Cat-like, grin we headed home to bed, where I should have been 2 hours prior.

On Friday we picked out our Christmas tree and Mom treated us to her homemade cashew chicken and beef and pea pods. After trying her chinese, you would understand why I don't like take out from anywhere. Amaze! Saturday, Mom and I went to lunch with Cozart's Aunts, Grandmother and a friend of the family and her daughter. We did a little shopping and ended our day at home watching my High School's football team lose the state finals game (they still played well despite not winning. Go Huskies!) and we made a tree skirt for our Christmas tree. Sunday morning we went to church and then it was off to the airport to send Mom back home.

Our Christmas Tree with Tree Skirt made by me and Mom

It was a great weekend, although it went by too quickly, packed with so many things to be thankful for: One on one time with my Mom, her great cooking and sharing of her sewing skills. Fun with family and friends. Good food. Beautiful weather. My puppies and kitty who are missing Grandma terribly already. My wonderful and persistant [in his pursuit to make an unnecessary purchase] husband. And finally, I am thankful for the people of Wal-mart, for if it weren't for them I would be blinded by a television too big for my living room and a large chunk of cash missing from my bank account.

Bentley, Deuce and Winnie missing Grandma

For those wondering how the 2 week wait is going... (Let me add, that I am also thankful for a holiday and a visitor to land right in the middle of this 2 weeks. Both have made the time go by much quicker.) I am 10 days past IUI but I don't think I ovulated until the day after IUI so I'm choosing to use the ovulation date vs IUI date. Symptom wise, I feel completely normal. Not even the symptoms I would typically feel during this period of time. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing so in an effort to be positive, I am going to say this is a good thing. Emotionally, I have been extremely hopeful until this morning. I woke up with my first feeling of doubt. Maybe due to the lack of symptoms, maybe due to the pressure I have put on myself for this month to work, maybe it's just hormones. I really don't know but I feel better now as my day has progressed. I am going to try my hardest to wait until at least Friday to test. We greatly greatly greatly appreciate your continued prayers and support. I can't think of a better Christmas present than to, after 3 long years, see 2 lines on that pregnancy test.

Happy Holidays to you all!!! I encourage you all to enjoy every moment of this wonderful season!!!

October...

The common intro theme of my recent posts has been me apologizing for not being very diligent about updating my blog. Someone who apologizes repeatedly for doing the same thing over and over again is a character flaw I detest, and will therefore NOT begin this post by apologizing for not keeping my blog more up to date. The truth is, life gets busy and with the holidays fast approaching, it's only going to get busier. And with that said, I give you our October Recap...

October is a very busy month for the Lawrences and one of my favorites. (November and December are a close tie for 2nd!) On Octover 6th, we celebrated the 1st Birthday of our Little Winnie, although she didn't come into our lives until December. As crazy about our fur babies as we are, and contrary to what you may think, we don't go all out with a doggie birthday cake, party hats and invites sent to all the nearby doggie friends to join us for a party at the nearest dog park. We did however, shower her with a few more hugs, kisses and snuggles, an extra treat or 2 and an extra, special, yummy dinner. Winnie is such a sweet girl and we are so blessed to have her in our lives! Happy Birthday, Winnie Pooper!!!

On October 20th, Cozart and I celebrated our 5th Year Wedding Anniversary. I really can not believe it has been 5 years. Where does time go?? As I think back over the last 5 years, I'm reminded of all we have been through. A long year of medic school for Cozart, work and multiple change in career paths for me, testing for multiple fire departments for Cozart, pregnancy, miscarriage and 3 long years of unsuccessful baby making, me working away from home for months on end and the losses of both our grandfathers; any combination of these events would drive many couples apart. I feel so incredibly blessed to say that we are closer than we have ever been and I couldn't imagine any other person I would rather experience this life with, good or bad. Here's to hoping the next 5 years brings lots of good things and even more love and happiness!

"I got my toes in the water, a$$ in the sand; Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand. Life is good today..." The last weekend of October and kind of an extended anniversary/early birthday present, Cozart and I and his cousins Keith and Heather and Heather's boyfriend Dave went to the Zac Brown Band concert. It was so good and we had such a good time. I love love love live music so it is unbelievable to me to say this but this was the very first concert that Cozart and I have ever attended together. Crazy! We started the evening with dinner at Heather and Dave's who conveniently live about 5 minutes from the arena; and we finished the night walking through downtown (in search for a cab, immediately following the concert) observing all the crazies dressed up for Halloween. We are definitely not the party-all-night-20-somethings we once were. I think we were in bed before midnight.

Cozart is a Halloween baby but once again had to work on his birthday. Bummer! We opened presents at home the night before and had dinner with his family the evening following. I always struggle with what to do for his birthday. Cozart "acts" like the type of person that really doesn't care and wouldn't even be the slight bit disappointed if the day just passed by without any acknowledgement what-so-ever. But, I can't imagine not doing something even if it's just getting his family together but I also don't want to take it too far and throw big party and have him get annoyed because it's just not what he wants. (kind of like Bethenny Frankl did at her 40th surprise party on her reality show Bethenny Ever After. Although, I highly doubt Cozart would pull me in the bathroom at his party to throw a crying fit about how he just can't be around all these people...) Well, it's been a couple years since his surprise party so I'm sure I can sneak in another big celebration in the next couple years. (wink wink) Happy Happy Birthday Babe!!! I love you to pieces!!!

The weekend following Halloween I (Minnie Mouse) attended a Halloween party at our friends', Andy & Amy's. Cozart was once again working and I (once again) had to go solo. But it was still a good time. I was so impressed by the creativity put into everyone's costumes and our friend Angi, did a great job with all the decorations! Hard to believe Halloween has come and gone and before we know it we'll be packing up the Christmas decorations and getting ready for the Easter bunny. When did life start moving so fast?

I couldn't possibly end a post before mentioning where we are in the baby making process. So... last Thursday I was given the ok to stop taking the birth control pills. (thank goodness... they made me feel awful, my skin looked like I was just going through puberty, I seemed to have an extra layer of peach fuzz on my face, I felt nauseous and I gained about 5lbs. No thank you!) The ultrasound showed no signs of cysts and my blood work came back a-ok. I stopped the birth control and Flo promptly made her arrival 2 days later. I started the Letrozole/Femara on Tuesday which I will continue to take once a day until tomorrow and I gave myself my first injection of Follistim tonight. The next injection will be Sunday and the 3rd on Tuesday. I have my cycle day 11 ultrasound and blood work scheduled for Wednesday morning, bright and early. If the u/s indicates ovulation on the left side, we will wait for the blood work results to determine when to administer the trigger shot and 36 hours following the shot the insemination will occur. By now you should know the drill...

I hope you are all enjoying the beautiful fall weather, pumpkin spice lattes, football and NO MORE POLITICAL ADS!!! YAY!!! Until next time...

Happy Sunday!!!

Hello again... I know it's been quite a few days since I have posted anything. After the roller coaster ride that was the month of July, I just haven't had much to say.

I had a nice trip home to Minnesota, although not for reasons I would like to be making said trip; it's still always nice to go home. The celebration of my Grandfather's life was wonderful. I saw so many people I hadn't seen in years. I think I heard "I haven't seen you since you were this big..." more in 2 days than I have my entire life. The service was followed by a luncheon and then we laid him to rest at the cemetery right in between my Grandmother and my Dad. I know I said it before but I am just so overcome with joy and peace knowing they are together once again. We wrapped up the service with each grandchild releasing a balloon into the sky. It still gives me chills just thinking about it.

I had my cycle day 10 ultrasound scheduled for this past Tuesday. And just as I had suspected, I am ovulating on the right side so we will wait this month out. I would be lying if I said I wasn't even just a little bit disappointed. Although, I am a little relieved to have a month to not have to have every waking (and some sleeping) thought consumed by baby making. I suppose it is still possible that we could get pregnant this month on our own, so I'm sure I'll have a thought of hope run through my mind a few times in the next 2 weeks. The chances are so slim, I won't be holding my breath.

I anticipate Flo's arrival sometime the last week of August, at which time I will again call to schedule the 10 day ultrasound and blood work and we start the process all over again. It appears that my body is pretty text book as far as my cycles. (ie every 28 days, alternating ovaries, etc.) However, it is not uncommon for a woman to have 1 or 2 annovulatory cycles a year. An annovulatory cycle is when you just don't ovulate. With that being said, I am hopeful next month cycle will be on the left but it is also possible it will repeat the right or I may not ovulate at all. Until then, fingers crossed and more waiting...

In other news, Cozart started his job at the hospital this past week. Much as I had suspected, it is going to be quite an adjustment. Not only for him, but for me as well. For at least the first month, he will primarily be working nights (7pm-7am), as well as working a couple days for the ambulance company. Although, we have both come accustom to him working 24 hour shifts with 48 hours off in between, this work all night, sleep during the day thing is for the birds. But something we both will need to get used to. Between both companies, he's been gone pretty much all weekend and next weekend will be much of the same. It's nice to have the house to yourself for the first day, the 2nd day is when it starts to get to me. On the bright side, I can spend a lot more time at yoga, without having to listen to his grumblings about me being gone. :)

Happy Sunday!!!

July 17th, 2012

When I woke up yesterday morning I had an uneasy feeling, the best way I can describe it is... empty. But with all that has transpired over the last 10 days, it didn't really come as a surprise that I would be feeling down or a little "off". I left the house and made my trek to the booming metropolis of Leesburg, FL to prepare for my luncheon with one of my doctor's offices. Throughout the luncheon I couldn't shake this dark feeling. By the time I had packed up my stuff and got back on the road, I found myself unable to hold back the tears. I sat in my car and did what I always do while having an impromptu emotional break down, I begged God for some relief. I tried to explain to him that I didn't think I was as strong as he thinks I am and that I just didn't know how much more I could take. It the midst of my sobs, Cozart called to check in while on his lunch break. I pulled myself together and proceeded to tell him my stuffiness was due to something in the air. I just didn't want to hear what I already knew in my heart, which was I AM strong enough and God knows me a heck of a lot better than I know myself. He would never give me more than I could handle. Which is exactly what Cozart told me last night when I confessed my little lie. Cozart and I finished our conversation and I continued on my route with intention of seeing at least 3 or 4 more offices.

1977 - Me with my 2 Guardian Angels - Grandpa and My Dad

No sooner did I pull in the parking lot of my next stop did I get the answer as to what this horrible feeling was. My phone rang again and this time it was my Uncle. I knew why he was calling and hesitated before hitting the glowing green ANSWER button on my phone. "Gen!" (it's mind blowing how much he sounded like my Grandfather in that moment.) "Hey!" I said, and for a split second I thought he was just calling to check in. (not that that is a regular occurrence). Unfortunately, he was in fact delivering the news I had been dreading for the past week. "Grandpa passed away about 25 minutes ago." , he said. Neither of us could say anything but a few muffled I love you's and see you soon. I made a few phone calls to Cozart, my Mom and my Sister and decided I wouldn't be seeing anymore doctors for the day. I started on my hour long journey home. (note to self: never tell God what you can handle, chances are he does know better than you and will likely prove you wrong)

1980 - Me & Grandpa

After about 15 minutes of driving, squinting my way through the tears, I felt overcome by peace. The same peace I felt when I got the call saying he only had 2 more weeks to live. He probably has dreamt of the day he could see his wife and 3 sons since the day they died and here it is. Reunited with not only the 4 of them but his brothers and sisters and his parents and all the other loved ones that have gone before him. What an amazing day for him! As a smile finally, probably for the first time all day, came to my face I realized how dark the sky was getting. And the thunder was so loud with one crash after another. One of 3 things was happening and none of them had to do with weather. Either I could still hear my Grandfather grumbling from heaven, (this wouldn't be surprising, he liked to grumble about things just for the reaction),  or, there was a stampede of loved ones rushing to greet him into heaven or he was just making his grand entrance. Probably a combination of the 3.

Richard Eugene Dahl
January 9th, 1935 - July 17th, 2012

My Grandfather was a wonderful man and the memories I have of him I will cherish forever. In going through pictures of him in preparation for his wake and funeral, I just couldn't help but notice that every picture I have of him and me, I look happier than I've ever been. He kind of had that effect on me. I look forward to the day I see him again and hopefully make my own thunder crashing entrance...

None of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living  - Romans 14:7-9