October...

The common intro theme of my recent posts has been me apologizing for not being very diligent about updating my blog. Someone who apologizes repeatedly for doing the same thing over and over again is a character flaw I detest, and will therefore NOT begin this post by apologizing for not keeping my blog more up to date. The truth is, life gets busy and with the holidays fast approaching, it's only going to get busier. And with that said, I give you our October Recap...

October is a very busy month for the Lawrences and one of my favorites. (November and December are a close tie for 2nd!) On Octover 6th, we celebrated the 1st Birthday of our Little Winnie, although she didn't come into our lives until December. As crazy about our fur babies as we are, and contrary to what you may think, we don't go all out with a doggie birthday cake, party hats and invites sent to all the nearby doggie friends to join us for a party at the nearest dog park. We did however, shower her with a few more hugs, kisses and snuggles, an extra treat or 2 and an extra, special, yummy dinner. Winnie is such a sweet girl and we are so blessed to have her in our lives! Happy Birthday, Winnie Pooper!!!

On October 20th, Cozart and I celebrated our 5th Year Wedding Anniversary. I really can not believe it has been 5 years. Where does time go?? As I think back over the last 5 years, I'm reminded of all we have been through. A long year of medic school for Cozart, work and multiple change in career paths for me, testing for multiple fire departments for Cozart, pregnancy, miscarriage and 3 long years of unsuccessful baby making, me working away from home for months on end and the losses of both our grandfathers; any combination of these events would drive many couples apart. I feel so incredibly blessed to say that we are closer than we have ever been and I couldn't imagine any other person I would rather experience this life with, good or bad. Here's to hoping the next 5 years brings lots of good things and even more love and happiness!

"I got my toes in the water, a$$ in the sand; Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand. Life is good today..." The last weekend of October and kind of an extended anniversary/early birthday present, Cozart and I and his cousins Keith and Heather and Heather's boyfriend Dave went to the Zac Brown Band concert. It was so good and we had such a good time. I love love love live music so it is unbelievable to me to say this but this was the very first concert that Cozart and I have ever attended together. Crazy! We started the evening with dinner at Heather and Dave's who conveniently live about 5 minutes from the arena; and we finished the night walking through downtown (in search for a cab, immediately following the concert) observing all the crazies dressed up for Halloween. We are definitely not the party-all-night-20-somethings we once were. I think we were in bed before midnight.

Cozart is a Halloween baby but once again had to work on his birthday. Bummer! We opened presents at home the night before and had dinner with his family the evening following. I always struggle with what to do for his birthday. Cozart "acts" like the type of person that really doesn't care and wouldn't even be the slight bit disappointed if the day just passed by without any acknowledgement what-so-ever. But, I can't imagine not doing something even if it's just getting his family together but I also don't want to take it too far and throw big party and have him get annoyed because it's just not what he wants. (kind of like Bethenny Frankl did at her 40th surprise party on her reality show Bethenny Ever After. Although, I highly doubt Cozart would pull me in the bathroom at his party to throw a crying fit about how he just can't be around all these people...) Well, it's been a couple years since his surprise party so I'm sure I can sneak in another big celebration in the next couple years. (wink wink) Happy Happy Birthday Babe!!! I love you to pieces!!!

The weekend following Halloween I (Minnie Mouse) attended a Halloween party at our friends', Andy & Amy's. Cozart was once again working and I (once again) had to go solo. But it was still a good time. I was so impressed by the creativity put into everyone's costumes and our friend Angi, did a great job with all the decorations! Hard to believe Halloween has come and gone and before we know it we'll be packing up the Christmas decorations and getting ready for the Easter bunny. When did life start moving so fast?

I couldn't possibly end a post before mentioning where we are in the baby making process. So... last Thursday I was given the ok to stop taking the birth control pills. (thank goodness... they made me feel awful, my skin looked like I was just going through puberty, I seemed to have an extra layer of peach fuzz on my face, I felt nauseous and I gained about 5lbs. No thank you!) The ultrasound showed no signs of cysts and my blood work came back a-ok. I stopped the birth control and Flo promptly made her arrival 2 days later. I started the Letrozole/Femara on Tuesday which I will continue to take once a day until tomorrow and I gave myself my first injection of Follistim tonight. The next injection will be Sunday and the 3rd on Tuesday. I have my cycle day 11 ultrasound and blood work scheduled for Wednesday morning, bright and early. If the u/s indicates ovulation on the left side, we will wait for the blood work results to determine when to administer the trigger shot and 36 hours following the shot the insemination will occur. By now you should know the drill...

I hope you are all enjoying the beautiful fall weather, pumpkin spice lattes, football and NO MORE POLITICAL ADS!!! YAY!!! Until next time...

I love Saturdays...

Aaaahhhh.... There is nothing like waking up and having no place to go. I love Saturdays and even more so after a week full of working with a new, number crunching sales manager, doggie knee surgeries and... What else? Oh yeah, the first 7 days of 14, also known as the two week wait. No big deal.

Thankfully, the vet let Winnie come home yesterday. Not only were Cozart and I very happy to have her home, her brothers (Deuce and Bentley) were too. Deuce spent about 45 minutes Thursday night searching the entire house for her. Poor guy missed his baby sister. Her surgery went well. Dr. D replaced her ligaments with wires that will remain in her knee for her entire life. He did not have to deepen the groove the patella slides in. Praise God! She is getting around ok but would prefer to curl up next to you and just sleep. There is 7 staples in her knee that will have to removed in 2 weeks. I am hoping that by that time she will be putting some weight on her leg. Thank you all so very much for your thoughts and prayers! We have a ways to go as far as recovery goes and having her go back to being a 4 legged fur baby but the scary part is behind us.

I get asked, as early as the first day past IUI, how I am feeling. Whether it works or not, I am not going to "feel" anything this early on and anything I do feel isn't related to actually being pregnant. In my many hours of perusing the internet, over the last few years I came across another blog belonging to a woman also struggling with baby making issues. Ironaically the excerpt below is something she wrote when she was 7dpiui as well. I am using her words instead of my own because, I couldn't have said it better myself. She is extremely knowledgable when it comes to fertility treatments, her body and what it is doing and she tells it like it is. I love that! If you would like to follow her blog, you can find it here.

For the first week of the 2ww, I obviously can't obsess over anything. And I'm surprised over the people who do obsess about it. What I'm more surprised is when people pay attention to the obsessing. It's one thing to keep track of your "symptoms" from 1-6dpo/dpIUI, but to publish them? 

This is why I cannot go to that crazy website twoweekwait.com. I'll admit that I love their hpt gallery and I have gone there quite often. But those are concrete things to look at. HPTs. Hard evidence. The rest of the site? For me, not one word is credible. Seriously - they devote an entire section to women listing out their "symptoms from 0-6dpo". Like I said, it's one thing to think of them yourself, it's another thing to publish them - and it's quite another thing for a website listing them out like they are possibilities. If ~I~ was the owner of the website, I wouldn't list a damn thing about 0-6dpo because, well, it's simply impossible for your body to know it if you were pregnant! 

One of my pet peeves I guess. Those women who say "oh, I knew I was pregnant at conception". Oh shut up. You did not. It is physiologically impossible for your body to "know" it's pregnant until implantation. A non-conceived egg and a conceived egg both have to float it's way through the fallopian tubes before it has a chance to implant. And a conceived egg, while maybe bigger by micrometers, isn't big enough for a tube to notice the difference. Until implantation, when your body goes "oh! there's an egg here, let's start making hCG" it's I.M.P.O.S.S.I.B.L.E. to know. 

On the same subject, has anyone ever heard of a coincidence? Just because someone says "my left nipple tingled for an hour at 3dpo" and they ended up pregnant, does not mean nipple tingling at 3dpo means jack shit. But I can't tell you the number of times I read crap like this! It's usually from a newly pregnant girl listing out her symptoms and the things "worked to get me pregnant!". No hunny, I'm sorry, but the fact you hung yourself from the ceiling during sex is not what got you pregnant. The luck of timing got you pregnant. It wasn't because you drank a glass of tea before you had sex. It wasn't because you had a bath before sex. It wasn't because you propped your hips up. It wasn't because you relaxed. Those things are not ways to get pregnant every time. If they were, everyone in the world would try those "tricks" and there would be no such thing as "unexplained infertility". If the woman had accessible eggs and the man had good sperm, every single person in the world would get pregnant by just doing what you think got you pregnant.

Again, I couldn't have said it better myself. Although, I do love hearing the stories of how people struggled and eventually their prayers were answered. It gives me that little bit of hope to get me through another day. I do also love hearing what worked for someone else, just because it may be something I have never heard of and who knows, it may also work for me.

Nancy, the blogger quoted above, goes on to state that at 7dpiui she begins to pay attention to the twinges, cramping, sore breasts and bloating a bit more. For me, I won't consider any feeling I have a true symptom until at least 10 to 12dpiui. That's typically when all progesterone symptoms seize (for me) and Flo is on her way. If the "progesterone" symptoms continue past Thursday or Friday, I may allow myself to start getting a little bit excited. Not until then though! ;)

7 days down, 7 to go before I know if my negative intuition was once again accurate or if this is our turn for a surprise blessing.

Have a great weekend!!
G xo

Prayers for Winnie...

About a month and a half ago, the newest member of our brood, Winnie, was tearing around the front yard like the Tasmanian Devil. (onc of her favorite things to do) Just as she was rounding the tree in our neighbors front yard she yelped and looked down at her leg. She only stood there for a moment or two and began to run around again. As Cozart and I called the 3 crazies inside, we noticed Winnie was limping. We both assumed she had just stepped wrong, tweaked her little foot and would be back to normal in a couple of days. A few days passed, then a week and she was still hopping around like a 3 legged dog. Clearly, this was something more than just a twisted foot or knee.

Cozart brought her in to the vet, while I was in Minnesota for my Grandfather's funeral. After examining our sweet baby girl, he determined that she was suffering from something called patellar tendon luxation (PTL). Basically, her patella is slipping in and out of place and apparently, it is very common in Boston Terriers. He told Cozart that they Grade them 1 through 4, 4 being the most severe. He wasn't sure if Winnie's PTL was a 2 or 3. Grades 1 and 2 typically correct themselves with minimal issues in the future. Grades 3 and 4 must be corrected surgically. Dr. D (the vet, not the fertility doctor. just to clarify) sent Cozart and Winnie home with an anti-inflammatory to give her every day for 7 to 10 days, to see if it corrects itself and she stops limping.

After 10 days on the anti-inflammatory, she had made a considerable amount of improvement but she still wasn't 100%. She walks normal about 60% of the time and hops like a 3 legged dog the other 40%. When it pops out, she kicks her leg straight back and it pops back in. Very strange. We brought her back in to see Dr. D and as we feared, it looks like she is a Grade 3.

Her surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. She's only 11 months old and I worry this will cause her more issues in the future. Poor baby! The surgery will take anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours. The plan is to go in and tighten the ligaments above, below and behind her knee. If he finds that the groove the patella slides in is too shallow, he will cut a deeper groove. Lots of prayers he doesn't have to do the 2nd part. If he does have to deepen the groove, she will have to be under longer and it will take 10 months for her to fully recover. That's literally, an entire lifetime for her! And there would also be a pretty good chance she would have to have the other knee done as well.

We would greatly appreciate any thoughts and prayers you could send her way tomorrow. And a few prayers for Mom too! :) I already can't wait to pick her up Friday or Saturday and I haven't even dropped her off yet!

Our Babies...

I have been asked by a few people if I have forgotten about my blog or if I have fallen off the face of the earth. No and No, I'm here!!! I have just been lacking in the fertility news department as well as creativity and I may or may not have been completely consumed by a certain series of books referred to as "Mommy Porn". Yes I was sucked in by all 50 Shades and boy was it good! But much to my husbands liking, I have returned from fantasy land and will forget about Christian Grey until the movie comes out or until E.L. James releases a new book.

I have been mulling over what to write about seeing as we don't have another doctor's appointment until Friday. I hope to be able to report our plan of action and when that plan will be implemented following that appointment. Until then what else is there? I could write about the aforementioned series of books I just completed but I don't want to ruin it for any of you who are still reading. For those of you not reading them, although I highly recommend you do, I may lose you. I could write about other things I enjoy like wedding planning, yoga or the beach. But in honor of Mother's Day I would like to take some time to introduce you to my kids.

Every year around Mother's Day, since I was in my mid to late 20's, I get asked, like most women of the same age; "Are you a mother?", "Will you be celebrating Mother's Day this year?". Or some question of the liking. To which I respond, "Yes! But my kids have 4 legs, big ears, tails and fur." Sometimes I get a funny look or they laugh but mostly they just say, "Well, Happy Mother's Day then!". I know some of you just don't have the same feeling about your animals as we do and you just don't understand, you don't have animals at all or you just don't agree but I think having pets can be a lot like having kids. You're right, I've never had kids so how would I know? And maybe I'm not right in thinking that but after staying up all night with Winnie, our 7 month old Boston Terrier, while she threw up every hour. Even if it's not like having a child, it's pretty good practice!

Each of our "kids" very much has their own personality. Each of them assumes the same role that many of you who have multiple children may be able to relate to. And for those of you who already know them, maybe you'll get to know them better. For those of you who have yet to have the pleasure of meeting our brood... I give you... 

Tinkerbell (aka Tink, Stinkersmell, Stinker, Bell Bell, Bells or Bella)

Tink is 11 years old. She's been around the block a few times, or so she would like you to think. (she is kind of a know it all) I found her online while still living in Minnesota and sent my Mom and sister to the humane society to pick her up for me. They believed her to be about 8 months old and thought she was part Siamese. We believe her to be an Egyptian Mau not Siamese. She's not your ordinary cat. When people come over, she wants to be in the middle of all the action not hiding under a bed somewhere. When handing out treats to the dogs, she is right there begging with them. She prefers steak over fish any day. Tink is a talker, sometimes we can't get her to shut up. I can't blame her, it was her and me and 3 boys for about 5 years. That will give any woman a lot to talk about! Tink is also very independent, sassy, a lover and a daddy's girl. She loves no one more than Cozart.

 Bentley (aka Beezo, Mr. B, Bees, Mr. Mans, Sweet Boy)

Bentley will be 6 years old on May 23rd. (I can't believe it!!!). Bentley is the product of my Mom's dog, Archie who is a yorkie-poo and my sister's dog, Boo who is a peek-a-poo; which makes Bentley a porkie-poo. (I made that up in an effort to make him sound like a designer dog. I know, he's a mutt) He came from the first of several of their OOPS litters. He was 2lbs when I brought him to Florida with me on the airplane. I was asked by several people if he was a guinea pig. He was so cute! I fell in love with him from the first time I saw him. Bentley is our needy, extremely sensitive, problem child. And I don't mean problem as in he gets into trouble, I mean he has problems. (poor guy). He had a recessed testicle just like his big brother Uno, who has since passed on. He has allergies. He's a picky eater and has been prone to urinary tract infections. He lost his big brother and best friend in October which was extremely hard on him. And in an effort to ease his mourning and get him a new friend, he became the new friend's prey. Not fun, for him or me. Bentley is a Mommy's Boy and is spoiled. (There Cozart, I said it, YES HE IS SPOILED!) He loves to be carried. In fact, if he could spend the rest of his life in my arms, I think he'd be perfectly content. He is smart but stubborn and loves, loves, loves to chase squirrels and hunt lizards.

Deuce (aka Deucy, Deuce-Doo fka Ugh! That damn dog)

Oh Deuce, you have taken years off my life and are solely responsible for every wrinkle on my face and probably a few grey hairs on my head, if you could see them. Deuce is a 2 yr old boxer who we got from the Florida Boxer Rescue after having to put our 11 yr old boxer to sleep, in October. I knew he was going to be a hand full before even meeting him. You see, when looking for a new dog from a rescue there are certain words and phrases you need to be cognizant of when reading their bios. Much like when translating a description of a home for sale. You know that cozy = small, has potential = fixer upper, etc... When reading a dog description you should be aware of things like, needs strong pack leader, extremely energetic, likes to be an only pet. All of which can be translated into: this dog is bat shit crazy, will likely attack anything in it's path and will destroy your home. Ok maybe that's a bit extreme but you get what I'm saying. Deuce, who was Diesel at the time, was in need of a "strong pack leader" and had been in 4 homes in his short 18 months of life. I saw this as a red flag, Cozart saw it as a challenge and the perfect dog for us. Ugh!

When we went to meet him, he was very hyper but nothing abnormal for a boxer. He seemed sweet enough but something about him still didn't sit well with me. After some lengthy discussion I agreed to giving him a try. Deuce came home to us and was relatively well behaved until... he snapped. He attacked our poor little Bentley. This happened a couple of times before we hired a behaviorist. It happened a few more times after the behaviorist before we got him a shock collar. And it happened a few more times after the first shock collar before we got him a stronger shock collar. I felt the same way about the shock collar that many of you do but we honestly have had to actual shock him a handful of times. I was completely against the collar and thought it would be best to just return him to the rescue. I am so happy we didn't and am proud to say he is one of the best behaved dogs either of us has ever had (and between the 2 of us, we've had a TON of dogs). We could have just given up on him and eventually someone would have probably put him to sleep. I get a lump in my throat and my eyes water just thinking about it. He walks without a leash, he listens like he knows exactly what we're saying and he hasn't even curled his lip at Bentley in months. He is still a wild man when people come to visit but he's a boxer. It's what they do. He's a keeper.

Winnie (aka Nene, Winnie Pooper, Winn Winn, Sweet Baby Girl)

Winnie is our newest addition. She is a 7 month old Boston Terrier and the cutest thing you will ever see. I have always wanted a Boston Terrier and with the issues we were having with Deuce; I think Cozart had a feeling we may have to give Deuce back. I continued looking online for dogs, mainly Bostons, even after we got Deuce. I came across an ad for Boston puppies being sold for significantly lower than anywhere else I had seen. It was meant to be. We picked Winnie up the first week in December. She was TEENY weighing only 2lbs. The same as Bentley but without all the fur she looked even smaller than he was. We got in the car to drive home when Cozart started to say he was a bit concerned about her being too timid and not having any personality. No sooner did the words come out of his mouth she was climbing up his chest to give him kisses. He was sold and the love for her has just grown stronger and stronger. She has such a personality and gets along great with her 2 big brothers. Tink still isn't too sure about her. Some of Winnie's favorite things to do are steal toys for her brothers, run as fast as she can through the grass, go for walks and sleep in bed under the covers. She makes the funniest noises and is so excited to see you when you come home. She is definitely the baby and spoiled according to her role. She is BOTH a Mommy's and a Daddy's girl.

I may not have given birth to them but they are my babies and I love them with everything I have. I hope you've enjoyed getting to know them a little better! Feel free to come visit them any time, they love company!

Until Friday...